Update: The Birth of DSL, Part II
August 31, 2008
Ok, so as promised, I am bringing you all up to the minute details on the Stand-em-up loser from the prior post. So here it goes:
After being stood up that night, with no phone call, text or email, I decided that I was goinig to go out the next night and find some other guy to use as a back up in hopes that I can throw it all in dude’s face via facebook status changes and stuff (yes, I can be petty at times). So I go to a popular local club with a friend and a few of his friends. In the course of a night (and several shots of Bacardi), I found myself flirting with one of my friend’s friends. He was cute, 6′2″, and was pretty drunk (what a lightweight). By the end of the night, we were making out (of course I asked my friend if the guy was clean…lol). Of course I got his number…
Anyways. That next day (Friday), I get this phone call from the Stand-em-up guy, with him apologizing profusely for standing me up. His reason: “Oh, I was down and out and didn’t feel like going out. And I couldn’t call or email because I lost my keys”. So, this guy, who I found out was staying with his mom until he moved in a few weeks, was wandering around the streets of Detroit for two days, sleeping outside because of a lost key, instead of going home to his Momma’s house where she has a home phone and the internet? Sounds suspect to me…But being the nice person that I am, I acted indifferent and only berated him slightly until he begged for forgiveness and another chance. So I gave him another chance, but making alternative plans, since I had that feeling that he was going to pull the same crap.
And as predicted, he stood me up yet AGAIN. This time, he actually called the same night with the same bullshit excuse: “I was down and out”. At that point, I decided to let him know that I was done with his bullshit in a manner that, well, made him start whining (and potentially crying). Yes, I can be that mean…but only with provocation.
So with the other guy? He was my back up plan. He called me so we could figure out the plan for the night, only for me to find out that the guy was a total pothead. If you are trying to prove that you are NOT a pothead, never say the following:
- I only smoke 4 to 5 days a week
- You drink alcohol, which can be addicting, to feel good
…and the kicker:
- I still get all A’s and B’s in school despite my smoking
Since then, I have been half past writing off guys, because I realize that so many of them are worth risking my sanity.
The Charity Case Syndrome
August 21, 2008
Have you ever noticed the months following a nasty breakup, how people somehow see you as some sort of charity case? Whether its the “charitable” friend trying to play matchmaker, or some male “acquaintance” that assumes your despairity, it by far is the most fucking annoying thing on earth, if I do say so myself. In lieu of my recent “charity case” stamp on my forehead that I didn’t even notice, I had to call out several of the most annoying as shit behaviors from the people I love, and the people I love to hate.
1. The Pitying Guy Friend:
We all seem to have one of these bastards in our life. They’re always the first ones we call when a dude does us wrong, and also the ones that we cry on, curse at for the shortcomings of the other dude, and drink with. Occasionally, we have inappropriate thoughts about them, but they are usually squashed when we find them being nice to us in a brotherly way. They’re always good until they start offering you jestures that a typical boyfriend would offer you (flowers, pity dates, sometimes even sex), simply because they feel you’re too distraught to notice their blatant coming on to them.
(*note* The only time this behavior is acceptable is if they are a friend with benefits)
2. Whats-His-Face:
He’s the guy you met 2 years ago at a bar/houseparty/club/friend’s house while you were still with your man, but then got too drunk to realize that he had called his phone from your phone to get your number. He’s the guy you forget that you even know until he calls you, asking you out because the word on facebook is that you’re now single. He often acts obsessive and clingy, calling at least 7 times a day, showing up randomly at places he knows you frequent through his nonchalant research through one of your friends who is too stupid to realize that the guy is trying to scam. The worst is when you do finally give him a chance out of pity for him, you try to start a conversation on a topic of substance, but it always leads to him professing how hot he thinks you look in sweats for 2 hour blocks at a time. The shit gets old, fast.
3. The Accidental Fuck Buddy:
This is the guy you didn’t intend to sleep with, but did anyway, due to pure physical attraction and loads of alcohol. This is usually the first person to call after he heard you broke up with someone, in an attempt to get angry/passionate sex out of you, since he thinks that him being turned on by you is an automatic turn on to you. He also thinks that sex with another guy is the best revenge for being dumped. While that may be the case, who says we want to fuck you again…after all, we didn’t want to in the first place.
4. Stupid Cupid
This is the friend (male or female) that wants to hook you up with someone because they feel bad for your breakup. This person usually is married or has a boyfriend/girlfriend/fiancee/partner and typically thinks the best way to get over an ex is to date not only as many guys as possible, but also date his/her friend, who you have nothing in common with. This friend is often very un-sexy, hairy, stupid, awkward, or just plain weird.
5. Bartenders:
By far, the worst of the worst, simply because not only do they add to the crappy feelings, they also pave the way for your future abuse of alcohol. It starts when they chime into a conversation that you are having with a friend about the butt-fuck who did you wrong, and they start adding in feelings that you didn’t even know that you have, all the while refilling your cup each time you take a sip, occasionally offering shots on the house to go along with it. If they really are douchey, they will wait until you get drunk and then offer to exchange numbers for “moral support”.
So newly single ladies (meaning within the last 6 months), keep this in mind when you go out tonight: try your hardest to come off as a female pervert, by grabbing ass and flirting with anything that has a cute face without giving them your full divided attention. That way you will most likely end up being questioned about your alcohol intake as well as when and where you grew the extra large kahunas more so than them asking you if you’re okay the entire night. Just be sure dance with more than one person, since the guy grinding up on you is forming some kind of attachment as you dance.
Venting: The Birth of DSL
August 14, 2008
Drunken Stupid Love. The title spawns from the realization that you feel like a drunk and stupid person after you finally manage to drop the last bastard you dated. And of course with that classic anecdote comes a typical story that is heard in girl-world on a daily basis: he stood me up.
Now I’ve had boyfriends stand me up, and idiots that disappear after they realize I’m not sleeping with them on the first date. But this one, my friends, truly trumps all stories.
About a year ago, I participated in a fashion show for a press party. After the show, there was pretty much a mini-meet-greet-and mingle session with the models, attendees, designers, and caterers. In between stuffing my face (yes, I’m the type of model that eats), I managed to meet a good 50+ people. One of those people was a random model/whatever the hell he does decently gorgeous guy, not quite man candy perfection, but…he’s a model. That should tell you right there. Anyways, we flirt a bit, but there’s not any kind of number exchange since I have a boyfriend (now an ex).
Fast foward to a few days ago. I get this message asking me how have I been. Of course, I see the photo and know who it is, but I check to be sure. Indeed, it is the guy from the press party. I am beyond estatic that he even remembered me, especially with my less-than-savory history of past encounters with males. I give him my number, he calls me, and tells me how he spent the last year trying to track me down and finally did, which is by far, the sweetest thing any guy has done for me. Being that he went through all that to find me, and was moving in a few days, I figured I would speed up the process and ask him out. After all, it was the least I could do.
So here I am now, writing to you during the time I was supposed to be going out with this fool. You would think that going through all of that to find me, he wouldn’t do something as stupid as stand me up. Maybe I’m writing prematurely…but then again, I was told that if he couldn’t make it, I would be called, messaged, or emailed. I did send a text, asking if we were still on, but no word.
So, to say the least, here’s another name on the “fuck you” list that I tote around in the back of my subconscious, that makes me feel as if I am a leper to society simply because I seem to have the hardest time keeping guys around me for some reason or other.
So let this be a lesson to all ladies: if at all possible, become a lesbian.
PMS is a b*tch
August 13, 2008
So I was talkin to Diva last night, and she was telling me that she thinks she has PMDD (or whatever its called). I thinking to myself, ‘man that rough’, but as I go about my first Wednesday with Aunt Dot, Im so damn bitchy. And this is primarily towards my boyfriend. I break up with him once a month, and it JUST happens to occur when I have that visitor. Although I’ve been pretty good about it for the past 2 months, it came back to rear its ugly head.
It started yesterday afternoon. I was checking facebook when my nosy mother reads the screen. It just happened to say something like ‘thats why your bitter, you need to get a refill of your HIV meds’. to which she FREAKED out and asked me if I had HIV and/or AIDS (i dont, get tested people) but I found it extremely funny, and she didnt. I wanted to share this with my boyfriend. I checked to see if he was on aim, he was. I sent him a message. He didnt respond quick enought for me. I call him on his cell with my cell. While the cell is ringing, he answers my IM. And asks me why Im calling. And goes on to tell me that he hates it when i call him from my cell when Im in the house(i dont get good reception in the house). It was shortly after 9, (whether it was 904 or 910 is the debate) and since he has tmobile I wanted to save his minutes(cuz my cell is in his fave five). And it just spiraled out of control after that. Im too strong to back down from a fight, and he KNOWS this. He also knows that I was PMSing, and I gave him ample warning Tuesday Morning. Now hes making me out to be the bitch, and Im HEATED about it.
I TOLD your ass I was PMSing, thats code for LEAVE ME ALONE. Dont get me started. Save yourself the grief. Jeez LOUISE!
So yea, I broke up with him, but frankly Im tired of this damn roller coaster. Dont know if its him or me. Something’s gotta give sooner or later. And our 4 year anniversary is Aug 20. And I told him that he has one year from that date to ask me to marry him, or I will leave his ass. Im tired of playing house, at least I could be out having hot random sex while I still got it!
HELP.. So check this out..
August 12, 2008
So as I stated in in my “Bed rest” post I was talking to my high school crush. The Ball game is starting to change on me. I have come to terms that I really like this guy now and I have also come to terms that I’m a big ass flirt. Check out this convo we had lastnight/ early this morning. This must ended before it turns into an issue dont ya think?
Him:
Night Clubs
August 12, 2008
Ok, so I was on vacation for a little while and you guys probably thought I went MIA 
. I had fun, got a tan, played in the sand, got drunk everynight with my man, come back to the states and we both get sick and took off work for a few days. Well in the process of feeling better my bestfriend since 6th grade wants to chill(two saturday’s ago). So I drive my ass all the way to her house which is about 35-40 mins away from my house. I get there and she wants to get some food from Mongolian BBQ which is my favorite resturant. Luckily her “man” worked there so we got our food for free and our drinks we just need to leave a tip.
We head back to her house and then she eventually convinces me to go to the club with her. See I havent been to a club in so long its sickning considering Im still a youngin’. So she throws me a “club” shirt we bump some music while doing our hair and make-up and then wait for her friend to come pick us up. For the record it is just lovely to know friends that bought out the VIP section for the night. The guy that was picking us up was having a birthday party along with his bestfriends who have a birthday around the same time.
He picks us up around 10:30-10:45. There was this chick in the front seat, she was cute but she had a stank ass attitude. I swear ever since me and my homegirl where teenagers, women almost always thought we wanted their man. I hate that shit with a passion especially if you didnt even come across as if you were atractted to him in the first place. Anywho so we all get in the car and roll down to D.C. I love going to D.C. at night, you see the funniest shit ever.
1. Nasty ass homeless men trying to hit on the girls walking to the clubs
2. Drunk ass white boys making fools out of themselves
3. Drunk asian j-walkers
4. Women who try to work some hella cute heels but can’t, and everytime she steps she looks like she’s going to break her ankle.
So we get to the parking lot and then we walk maybe 3 or four blocks to Fur. So we get to the gate and the place is packed like a damn Pento with mexicans in it. Since we were going in the VIP we didnt have to wait in the long ass lines nor have to pay for anything all night . So my new found homeboy is introducing me to his bestfriends and these guys were fly ass hell. They were top A Grade Beef! From Dijimon chocolate to Shermar Moore yella. They werent the typical, thugged out type with the du-rags and fresh white tees. They were grown and all way to sexy. Rocking fresh dress shoes, slacks, dress shirts and ties.
Ok no one take this the wrong way, I love my man I really do and nothing or no one will change that. But there was one of his friends that caught my eye big time. He was gorgeous, 6′5 caramel skin, brown eyes, sexy smile, muscualr but not crazy body builder type more like football player,nice car, awesome job ect. So he was telling me his name and I swear everything around me went on mute and I was acting like a silly school girl around him. After that it was like dude wouldnt stop talking to me, which was cool because he was hot!
As the night progressed people got drunk, shoes were stepped on, people started leaning, lauhging loud, talking loud, wanting to fight. Black people crack me up at the club because before you even walking in the door you know theres going to be a fight. Me and my girl are on the stairs dancing and sipping on our drinks until i feel this heavy weight come down on me. I turn around it was dude with his arm around me drunk like a skunk.
Our Convo:
Him: Hey sweetheart you and your girl having a good time?
Me: Yea…we’re good man…how bout you?
Him: Getting my drink on
*he raises the empty bottle of Patron*
Me: hmmm I see…you’re feeling nice off the juice!
Him: naw girl im just feeling you.. you are way to cute..
Me: Aww your sweet.. you aint to bad looking yourself..
Him: You wanna dance…i cant just keep leaning on you to get next to you
* slick right??? *
Me: Sure
So we start dancing and grinding on each other having a good ol’ time and at one point he picks me up while dancing, that shit caught me off guard. So after a few songs my friend grabs my arm and tells him that he cant hog me all night, which by the way I was glad she scooped me away from him, for a second I forgot I had a man at home waiting for me . So she pulls me to the danced floor where we continue to dance with her homeboy, he takes off his tie and puts it around my neck all seductive. He turns around and starts dancing on me, I swear dude should be a stripper because he was working it. I actually took out a few dollars and put it in his belt.
So we are still dancing sweating hard and decided to go back to the VIP room and dance on the stairs. So Mr. Hottie I will call him from now on is still on the stairs and automaticlly grabs me and puts his arm around me, by this time I had a few drinks in me and felt the urge to grab ass. So the whole time we were talking I was squeezing dude’s ass like it was a stress ball. I couldnt help it, he had the sexiest ass next to my hubby. So my friend is laughing at me for squeezing his butt and him not noticing because he’s wasted and she starts danicng on me. By this time I bet people thought me and her were a couple.
The song switches and we chill for a second since we had been dancing non-stop. I’m looking in the crowd, looking at the people seeing if I would know anyone, until this guy caught my eye. He was standing next to the VIP stairs and I wasnt sure if he was looking at me or one of the girls behind me. He looked like he was waiting for someone. I was freaking out because he looked exactly like my ex-boyfriend from Florida. I couldnt stop staring at this guy it was a truly awkward moment and it made me kind of nervous for some odd reason. I looked away and could feel his eyes still on me until this chick came from out the room and went down the stairs and he walked away with her. I looked over at my friend and before I could say anything she started laughing.
Our Convo:
Her: OMG he looked just like such and such
Me: Fuck man.. he sure did.. like a slightly taller, cuter, younger version of him.
http://skatehardretard.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/whiteboy.jpeg * what my ex looks like but he’s african and european*
Her: That’s fucking hilarious though, you should have seen your face, you looked freaked out like you saw a ghost.
Me: Girl I was seriously about to duck thats how similar they looked.
After the little flashback episode me and Mr. Hottie start talking again, and this guy is still drinking, he was done, over cooked on the “juice”. It got to the point where he was leaning on me so hard I thought I was going to fall over the railing. Me and my girl go back down to the floor and dance with homeboy for a while. I turn around and face the other part of the crowd and the ex look-a-like is right there danicng with some chick. I eyeball my girl and she starts laughing. I turn back towards homeboy and start danicng with him again still with his tie around my neck.
I turn back around and ex look-a-like is facing me now dancing with no one, just standing there looking strange and stalkerish at me dancing with my hommies. So next thing I know the ex-look-a-like moves in to dance with me and stuff and whispers in my ear”can i dance with you miss”, which was cool because it was like a huge “sammich”. So I turn around show him what I was working with. The creepy thing about it was he looked like my ex, smelled like my ex, and touched me like my ex did. It was like this dude was his younger twin which makes no sense of course. So we continue to dance since it was the last song of the night. Song goes off I roll out, and the ex-look-a-like grabbed my hand and said ” Your sexy girl, I should make you wifey”, I laugh and say “sorry sweetie, but I have a man waiting at home for me, have a good night though”. Im walking away and as we get to the exit Mr. Hottie comes up behind me and puts his arm around me and I put my arm around him.
Our Convo:
Him: So what you doing after this?
Me: Ah I see you sobbered up a little bit…im going back to my girls house then going to mine
Him: I see, so how about me, you, your friend and my homeboy grab some breakfast at ihop or something.
Me: Umm I’m kinda tired and i have a long drive ahead of me, plus my man is waiting for me.
Him: Oh damn your bunned up girl? that sucks, he’s a lucky dude.
Me: Thanks, your sweet.
Him: I guess I cant call you huh? not even just as your friend right?
Me: Yea I dont think that would be a good idea hun.
Him: Well atleast gimmie a bday kiss on the cheek
So I give him a kiss on the cheek and he slides me his card just in case I wanted to do lunch. He was smooth ya’ll real smooth. So smooth he had me dreaming about him that same night. But I wont get into that right now 
.
Moral of the story…going to the club having a boyfriend sucks ass, especially when the hottest guy in there wants your attention.
While on bed rest…
August 12, 2008
Ok so as you guys know I am off work the rest of this week due to a knee injury. Well while I have had my time off work, sitting on my ass at home so far I have become an AIM and Yahoo messenger freak. I recently touched back with a few friends and stuff… So there was this one guy that I used to have a crush on back in 9th grade, but never really showed that I liked him because I knew my friends would look at me a certain way. Yea this was back when I actually cared what my friends thought haha.
So we just became friends on Facebook and we have been talking for a while. One day I added him to my AIM buddylist but, with no intention to say hi or anything at the time. So one day I was checking my mail and logged on and he was on. I was bored and my friend was doing her own thing while she was at our house. So I send him a messaging saying “hey you”. Mind you he doesnt know its me yet.
Our Convo:
Me: Hey you…
Him: Um who is this?
Him: ?? hello?
*I walked away from the computer for a sec*
Him: stop bullshitting who ever this is
Me: Sorry
Me:Umm its your secret admirer lol
Him: I dont have time for these games..
Me: Hahaha omg its <my name> chill
Him: Ohhhh, well why didnt you just say that? hahaha
Me: Because I wanted to fuck with you…but I guess I was the only one who thought it was funny
Him: Hahaha yea yea, so what’s up
Me: Nothing much…I added you a while ago but never talked to you lol
Him: Oh thanks.
Me: I didnt mean it like that.. but anywho how are you?
Him: Im good, you? Its funny how people want to talk to me now on facebook lol
Me: What do you mean? What people?
Him: No one in particular…Its like ppl ignored me in high school and now that its been over and said ppl want to be all chummy.
Me: I see..well I hope I’m not in that category… I actually use to be friends with you until you stopped talking to me.
Him: Naw never you girl…and I stopped talking to you?? whatever I was in the shadows while you were in the lime light.
Well just to give you a little background, I was kinda of popular in high school everyone knew my name, I was in POMS and softball and school clubs, plus most of the “popluar”
kids I knew since elementray school. Him on the other had was one of the “nerds” in to computer games and stuff like that. We were total opposites. We still are to this day. We we’re friends in 9th grade and a little in 10th grade until one day someone stopped talking to the other and that was it. In 9th grade I totally had a crush on him, but I never told him because i was affraid of being rejected. We continue to talk and it gets to the subject of of “back in high school”.
Our Convo:
Him: Yea I didnt care what ppl thought of me, I did my own thing, I didnt get into fads and all the high school bullshit.
Me: Yea I feel ya, I was known as the bitch towards 11th and 12 th grade, I didnt give a flying flip anymore, I hated the stupid trends, I only worried about what color converses I was wearing lol
Him: I would dress in the dark thats how much I cared
Me: hahah yea I could tell lmao jk
Him: oh thats fucked up..
Me: I would throw on some jeans a shirt and some chucks and I was set.
Him: Yea.. I use to like those jeans..
Me: Lol me or you?
Him: You silly ass :-*.. you were cute as hell, i loved your style.
Me: Ohhhh ahhha right. well I dress way better now than I did then.. 
Him: hmm I wouldnt know but you still looking good.
Me: Heh thanks your not 1/2 bad yourself, your getting a little buff there huh Mr. Marine?
Him: Yep, its all the training and stuff. Man in high school I would play games with people tricking them to tell me things that they didnt want to. It was funny
Me: Oh really.. like jedi mind trick shit?
Him: Exactly…but I had secrets of my own…
Me: Secrets like what???
Him: Well…I couldnt ever tell you this…
Me: Why not? who am I going to tell anyways? I wont tell really!
Him: Hahah I bet you could guess on your first try…
Me: Umm I dunno… your gay!!!! OMGGGGGGG ahahahhaha
Him: Im not gay! I was in love with you..
Him: Opps…damn I guess you tricked me…
Me: OMG.. really??? Naw…you werent your lying…lol
Him: Girl you couldnt tell??!! Remember in freshman yr when you got the valentine gram and it said ” You’ll never see me, but i love you”?
Me: Umm that year I got about 6 valentine grams…but one was from you?? OMGGGGGG. Thats so sweet. Maybe if you wrote your name on it I would have reconized!
Me: I totally had a crush on you in 9th grade too..teehee
Him: Wait.. you had a crush on me? Why didnt you tell me?
Me: I dunoo.. why didnt you tell me???
Him: <My name> you were out of my league you know that..so I didnt even want to attempt to try.
Me: What? there is no such thing as league…its called TRYING… I mean you could have atleast tried really. Thats still so cute lol.
Him: I guess I should have….to late now
Me: Yea Im domesticated and your single and all the way in Cali now.
Him: Yea..that sucks…we could have been dating, maybe married by now and traveling the world..
Me: Hahaha…. oh reallly.. so I guess you thought it through if the time came? thats cute.
Him: I may have thought about it once or twice lol..
The conversation tunred into hours and the hours tunred in to days. Shit is scary because like I said before I have a man who loves me at home and I love him, but at the same time its like old reminicing feelings for my 9th grade crush is coming back slowly. Its so confusing and weird because right now, my fiance and I are trying to slow down our relationship because we feel as though everything isnt going as planned and someone is always getting on the others nerves. So to wrap it up in a nutshell, my man and I are having slight issues and my 9th grade crush is looking better and better each day. It could be my med’s messing with my head though. Or maybe its just me feeling nice about myself seeing that guys still like me and I still got it. I know for damn sure I wont throw away my friendship and relationship away on a high school crush. But it is so tempting, I would love to hit up Cali and visit him and go to the beach and show him out to live the true Cali life. Sigh…i have issues girls..
